Welcome to our series hosted by Gigi Fong, Hypebae’s in-house sex and dating editor.
Welcome to your new safe space and Hypebae’s first-ever sex and dating column, Ask a (S)expert. This new weekly series is led by Haitian-Chinese and LA-based sexpert Gigi Fong, our in-house sex and dating editor. Gigi is a former sex worker, boudoir artist, and podcaster now hosting safe spaces for the Hypebae community. She specializes in all things sex-positive from unconventional dating to pleasure for lovers of all identities. To have your questions answered, visit our dropbox below and anonymously send your intimate inquiries ♡
“I’ve been with my boyfriend since high school, it’s been 9 years that we are together, I’m starting to feel bored in my relationship even though I really like him and can project ourselves in the future, I’ve recently started to think that I am missing out on sexual life and discovering, I’ve been wondering if it is it a spark issue or a “it’s time to break up” issue?
Hey bae! First of all, love that you’re both high school sweethearts! Before you panic, rest assured that many long-term couples grapple with evolving sexuality. Frankly, it looks like bed death has entered the chat. It’s prevalent amongst all relationship styles, but for some reason, lesbians get the sh-t end of the stick, as the term “lesbian bed death” is most common. Bed death is essentially when married couples stop having sex. You know, first, the sex is mind-blowing and before you know it, you can’t remember the last time you’ve truly enjoyed each other. Obviously, you’re not married, but the sentiment is similar since you’re in a long-term partnership. Rest assured, everyone’s sexuality evolves regardless of whether they’re in a relationship or not — so don’t feel ashamed!
Since you clearly love your partner and value your future with them, I’m assuming you don’t want to split. If this is the case, it’s time to communicate your need for variety. This can take two forms: getting creative in the bedroom with your partner, or opening the relationship — and getting creative with others. Often, many couples experiencing this discuss opening the relationship sexually. Opening the relationship sexually will allow you both to maintain your emotional bond and future plans, while also honoring your deep desire for sexual exploration. It’s important to note that opening the relationship is not a band-aid and requires a foundation with strong trust, communication skills, and honesty. Open dynamics definitely offer more orgasms – but only if you and your partner are on the same page. If you’re questioning whether your dynamic is strong enough to open, check out this article on “5 signs your poly relationship was doomed from the start.” Terrified of open relationships and need a little spice? Check out these role play ideas. Best of luck, bae!
If you’re looking to explore other ways to spice up your relationship, consider trying out new activities together, taking trips, or even seeking counseling to address any underlying issues that may be affecting your intimacy. Remember, communication is key in any relationship, so be open and honest with your partner about your feelings and desires. Additionally, self-care plays a crucial role in maintaining a healthy sex life, so make sure to prioritize your own well-being and pleasure. By taking proactive steps to address your concerns, you can work towards building a stronger and more fulfilling relationship with your partner.